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*cringes*
Tell me it's not just me, please. I read far, far too much fanfic (shocker), but it seems someone announced badfic week and didn't tell me. Some examples from just this last week and these are almost painful just to cut & paste:
"You don't know how much I want that magnificent mound of man meat pummelling into me"
"Sherlock slips his dominant hand over John's flaccid love truncheon" this one also featured his "thick sausage".
I just... if you can't type the word cock you probably shouldn't be writing slashfic, also how old are you and where on *earth* did you get those phrases from!?!
vicarious instead of precarious - which in context changed the sentence quite considerably and it happened repeatedly in this fic.
defiantly instead of definitely - I see this a lot and it's really starting to annoy me now.
Also, how hard is it to spellcheck things? Really? Not that hard I'm thinking. Definitely not as hard as trying to read some of this stuff...
And then there're the stories themselves:
We have the buggery without any preparation at all (actually and specifically without prep and not in a rape or BDSM scenario), which y'know, doesn't strike me as a wildly enjoyable idea, despite what the author seems to think.
We also have the massively out of character characters, where if they didn't keep mentioning the names every few lines, I would have no clue who they were meant to be, or even which show they were from.
There is more, but I can't bring myself to detail it all anymore, I'll just end up crying.
It's possible I'm just being a snobby bitch and it's true, no-one is forcing me to read this stuff, but still... I will overlook a variety of errors for a good story, but some things... I know some of my early stuff is bad, but I don't think it was ever *this* bad. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong though - I'm happy to take concrit.
"You don't know how much I want that magnificent mound of man meat pummelling into me"
"Sherlock slips his dominant hand over John's flaccid love truncheon" this one also featured his "thick sausage".
I just... if you can't type the word cock you probably shouldn't be writing slashfic, also how old are you and where on *earth* did you get those phrases from!?!
vicarious instead of precarious - which in context changed the sentence quite considerably and it happened repeatedly in this fic.
defiantly instead of definitely - I see this a lot and it's really starting to annoy me now.
Also, how hard is it to spellcheck things? Really? Not that hard I'm thinking. Definitely not as hard as trying to read some of this stuff...
And then there're the stories themselves:
We have the buggery without any preparation at all (actually and specifically without prep and not in a rape or BDSM scenario), which y'know, doesn't strike me as a wildly enjoyable idea, despite what the author seems to think.
We also have the massively out of character characters, where if they didn't keep mentioning the names every few lines, I would have no clue who they were meant to be, or even which show they were from.
There is more, but I can't bring myself to detail it all anymore, I'll just end up crying.
It's possible I'm just being a snobby bitch and it's true, no-one is forcing me to read this stuff, but still... I will overlook a variety of errors for a good story, but some things... I know some of my early stuff is bad, but I don't think it was ever *this* bad. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong though - I'm happy to take concrit.
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Fuck, if anything remotely resembling this comes back to haunt me in my dreams and so hard that I have to get up at 2:00 a.m. to write it down so I can get back to sleep, I am so blaming you.
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I know. She tries so hard to be strong and not let anyone see the terrible pain. I mean if Jack hadn't left her she never would have slept with that Yana bloke, but she really felt she needed an older man who could really *appreciate* her, but then that all went wrong when he turned out to be gay, which is why she's so upset about Avon now.
LOL. I will take credit gladly and then have several stiff drinks before reading it ;)
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BWWWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STOP! MY STOMACH IS HURTING FROM BOTH THE LAUGHTER AND THE STORYLINE!
But seriously, thank God Lucy Saxon was there to her get through the troubled times and provide a guiding light for how to hang on to her sanity in the face of man-caused adversity.
I will take credit gladly and then have several stiff drinks before reading it
I'll send you over a case of something fitting.
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Ah yes, Lucy, I'd forgotten about all about her. I mean after the trauma of her messy divorce and her self-medication for the ensuing depression. She came out all the stronger because in prison she chose a life of righteous celibacy rather than succumb to the rampant lesbian prisonblock gangbangs and she learned all about the power of forgiveness (except where men are concerned). It's lucky that she was able to move in with Servalan so quickly to be there for her when even her BFF!Avon abandons her for teh Gay.
... If there's an award for badfic we *must* be in with a chance for this ;)
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Which is why Servalan is still, even though he's abandoned her, still so worried about Avon because she suspects it's just a bisexual fling for Owen. Because, you know, "We're Torchwood" is something Jack taught her is synonymous with meaningless bisexual flings. Which is why Jack/Ianto/Gwen hurts so much to read in the lonely hours after she and Lucy finish their hot cocoa (which reminds her of Yana, but she drinks it to keep Lucy company) --- they have so much more than what she and Jack ever had.
If there's an award for badfic we *must* be in with a chance for this ;)
An award, or the first five scripts for Russell T. Davies new space soap opera. Guest appearances by Mulder and Scully in episode 6 to be written by RTD himself.
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