mogwai_do: (ultraviolet)
2014-12-07 06:17 pm

So, completely failed to update regularly as I planned

And to be fair this isn't an update; this is a rant.

Last week was a week off for me - using up annual leave before Christmas. It has been possibly the most futile attempt at time off. I'm back at work tomorrow and today has been a definite downer-day, segueing into diffuse anger. After stewing all day, I think I've worked out where it's come from.

We'll start by saying the last couple of months have been hectic on many fronts - a lot of travelling - including weekends. A lot of work stress. Stuff like that.

So, the Friday I stopped for the week I had to work late for reasons, then just as I was about to go I got a phone call that presaged a whole shitstorm of academic ego - I've got that to look forward to on my return. Anyway I ended up leaving with a splitting headache - stress reaction to a long day. Saturday I felt utterly wiped - part of it was the lingering headache, part of it probably my body going 'right, you don't *have* to do anything, stop now'. Sunday was a bit improved, but not fabulous.

Monday I visited my favourite cousin - this was actually the sole highlight of the week. *However*, I inquired if my mum wanted to come along too and see that side of the family before Christmas - she did and somehow that turned into her deciding to stay the Monday night with me so we could go Christmas shopping on Tuesday. I didn't buy anything and wasn't really interested; she bought most of her presents and it took most of the day.

Wednesday, I wanted a breather as I still felt very tired. Started getting emails from work from the minion who will be leaving in the New Year, but has yet to hand her notice in. I had told them they could contact me if there was anything urgent/important of which 2 things were on my radar as possibles. In the space of 3 days, she emailed me multiple times, only 1 of which was important - 1 was whining about an 'unfair' system (which is equally unfair to everyone I should point out, my urge to respond with 'get over it' was strong), several asking for annual leave that I've been trying to get her to take for weeks as at this stage it makes things complicated and again complaining that the system is unfair (she's welcome to take it up with central HR if she feels like it), another 1 about the unfair system, there were others that I've mostly blanked from my memory now, the last one was saying an editor wants a presentation, she's emailed him this one, she supposes I wasn't aware that he needed it - no I wasn't because a) he didn't tell me and b) one of her ongoing tasks is to be checking with them for these kind of things because they sometimes forget to tell us. She sent the wrong presentation - I have no idea why she sent it to him first *then* asked me - surely common sense says check first and have a time by which if you haven't had a response send your best guess. By Friday and that last email I just had to get out the flat - which I'd been planning to do anyway, but because I was in such a state, I forgot to pick up the one thing I actually needed to accomplish the errand I'd planned to run. So accomplished approximately nada. I still haven't managed to do any of the errands I'd originally planned to sort in the time off.

Today my brothers, their partners and children all had a get-together at one of their houses - I found out about it second hand. It's not so much that I wasn't invited, I suspect that was because it would be a 6hr round trip for me as opposed to only a 3hr round trip for each of them, but they made that decision for me.

And that pretty much sums up the whole thing - I'd have been better off staying at work. My mum, without even thinking about it, took away my control at the start of the week. The work person took away my control in the latter part. I was too exhausted to resist the steamrollering or to shrug off and ignore the work person - she really got under my skin (part of this is compounded by the fact I have bent over backwards to try and accommodate her requests regarding leaving and nothing is good enough and she just keeps messing me around), to the point of me wanting to smash something - hence fleeing the flat.

I'm left feeling depressed, stressed, excluded and frustrated and ranting here because Facebook has too many people who might be offended and/or horrified. At the current rate, the first person to ask me tomorrow if I had a nice break will be likely to get punched in the face - that's how wound up I am right now. I hate everything and everyone and they can all just piss off.

So, how has your day been?
mogwai_do: (totoro)
2014-08-10 03:40 pm

I don't even know where to start

My last post was over 6 months ago and well... it's been busy.

In that time, I've acquired a second minion, who by virtue of unintentional comparison, has highlighted how inadequate the other is. The other has been a perennial problem; she's not stupid, but she really does not seem to grasp how heirarchies, office-work generally, or our work specifically works - and she's been in the job 2.5 years now... I've had to 'have a chat' with her several times about various things, which was very stressful for me at least the first time (because it was the first time I'd ever had to do that), but it's water off a duck's back. She nods in all the right places and her behaviour changes for a while, but then something slips, or she manages some new, creative and, at least once, potentially catastrophic) screw-up.

The line management thing is a work in progress, but it's getting there I think.

The conference I was organising in Cambridge in March went very well - excellent venue and atmosphere, so that was all good.

I've also now been to Rotterdam (start of July) and just got back from Philadelphia (start of August) attending other conferences (and running events at those too). Rotterdam was frustrating because I felt we could have done so much better if only we'd been attending these things before. Philadelphia went much better. Next year those conferences are in Athens and Vancouver respectively, so that'll be interesting. And now I've experience of both, I'll have a much better idea of how to improve them and make use of my time there.

Rotterdam I extended by a couple of days to visit a friendly dojo - or at least that was my intention. The sensei invited me to teach his class instead... I couldn't really say no as he'd already offered me accommodation for the few days and when I got there he paid for all my meals and stuff. That was nerve-wracking - I only knew 2 people in the class (aside from the sensei) and I hadn't seen either of those in years. I was completely inarticulate for about the first half hour; I'm not sure it improved much either. I did get some complimentary feedback afterwards, but I find that very difficult to take at face value (self-esteem is still an issue).

The teaching offer was at least partly because I succeeded in my 3rd dan in May. It was a very hot day, but at just under an hour the grading was shorter than any of my previous ones for reasons I have no knowledge of, but may have been related to someone else who was grading at the same time. From no martial art ever to 3rd dan in just over 10 years; I'm given to understand this is rapid, but I don't really have a basis for comparison.

Anyway, I'm still slightly jetlagged from Philly, but I'm now trying to get myself back on an even keel. Most of this year has felt like reeling from one thing to the next - first Cambridge at the end of March, then from that into my grading at the very start of May, to Rotterdam at the start of July, to Philly at the start of August. Plus all the other work inbetween. I feel like I've just not had space to step back and take stock - hopefully I can make that time now. I need to, if nothing else.

Well, I've spent the last couple of days trying to get back on track after Philadelphia and I think it's now time for a quiet sit down and some reading... and maybe some TV later.
mogwai_do: (smile)
2014-01-22 09:17 pm

What is this?

I have *finally* got the new contract for my job - it's really not all I'd hoped for salary-wise, but I'm willing to accept it as a transitional stage to stepping up again (implication being next year), when I've satisfied their tickbox requirements for line management experience.

I did an induction for a new editor today and in terms of logistics, etc. I think it went well, my only niggle was that I included my colleague in it and I felt sometimes that she was being too... familiar? Excitable maybe? And not as professional as I would like. I don't know how much, if any of that reflected on me. It would have been difficult to keep her out of it, but in retrospect I probably would have been better off not including her in most of it. I don't know. Is that harsh?

In aikido... well I don't know that I've made any appreciable progress in much of anything, which is depressing. No further news on my sensei's move, which I guess is a no news is good news kind of scenario.

Self-confidence remains the biggest problem on all fronts :(

I still can't get my head around another case of, for want of a better term, attracting sensei - and I'm not talking about the young-ish guys who have the title because they started a club, but the time-served ones. I just don't see whatever it is that seems to inspire this. On the upside, I've been told if I make it out to the Rotterdam dojo, they'll take me to the best Indonesian restaurant in the city. Since I'll probably have to go to Rotterdam for work - I think I can make this work somehow...
mogwai_do: (Aikido)
2013-12-28 09:05 pm

Stuff, things and holy crap it's December

Way overdue an update, but that seems to be par for the course this whole last year (or two).

In brief: work is still in bureaucratic limbo, if a further along state of limbo than previously, though I have hopes that it should progress (finally) early in the New Year. I am now using them as a method of recompensing me for the way they're using me - things like taking advantage of meetings adjacent to weekends to use company expenses to part-cover visiting family and such - it's all above board, I just now have a bit more control over when meetings happen so...

It still continues to be a crazy workload and it's only going to get busier for the first few months as we being the countdown to the conference we're running in March (I say, we, but because of everything that's happened, I've done this solo from scratch, so how well it comes off (or not) will be a key thing). I'm supposed to be arranging a thank you dinner for my ex-boss, she'll be phoning me in the New Year - something to look forward to there I'm sure ;) I'm not sure if her power to wind me up is gone, I think so or at least mostly so, but then I've barely communicated with her since she left and only by email - in person might be another matter entirely.

Related to that, I really need to get my head around my self-confidence issues though I'm not quite sure how, but it needs to be done for a variety of reasons.

And related to the self-confidence: Aikido is having its ups and downs, I've stepped up my training a bit, but it doesn't feel like it's achieving much. I was at a course today - 5 hours - I ache rather a lot right now after all that Christmas gluttony and going straight into that. It was a good course, some great people to practice with and I took ukemi for all 3 sensei teaching, which is unusual. The biggest downside is that my sensei may have to move to Russia at some undetermined point in the future (could be months, could be over a year) - this has understandably thrown a big spanner in the works (not to mention being upsetting personally). Basically it's family (his wife's Russian), so there's nothing we can do here to prevent it or create alternative options. His current plan is that those of us remaining will set up a new dojo: given that the highest rank and therefore default teacher works shifts, this probably means I'll have to start teaching, which I'm really not comfortable with (for confidence reasons largely). In aikido terms, I've been of sufficient rank to teach for years, but I've never done the 1-day course to get the certificate which means I'm covered for teaching insurance. It's all a bit fraught really, so since it's something I have very little control over in terms of timing, I'm mostly trying to ignore it, it's not an ideal situation though particularly as I'm trying to gear up for a grading (which is likely to be early May apparently).

Last but not least: writing. Has gone appallingly. I've completed failed to keep the target I set myself at the beginning of last year. I've not written anything in ages - I'm kind of living in hope that when we finally get a third person in work then the workload will ease enough that I have brainpower left for things like writing and aikido and I can start progressing in the aspects of my life that are not work. Only time will tell now I think...
mogwai_do: (your porn is boring)
2013-09-07 08:19 pm
Entry tags:

Sherlock Fic: Picking up the pieces

Title: Picking Up The Pieces

Pairing: Sherlock/John

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: BDSM, consensual violence

Wordcount: ~1,500

Summary: In the aftermath of a case gone a bit wrong, John does what he has to to help Sherlock get past it. Could be classified as hurt/comfort...if maybe they're the same thing...

On A03 here
mogwai_do: (ulterior motives)
2013-08-02 05:35 pm

(no subject)

Had a chat with the uni line manager today - fairly positive - plus she can see what the academics can't, which is that there needs to be a 3rd person in the office to ensure proper coverage and to take up my colleague's slack. Maybe if she discovers she has competition, her attitude will change - don't know, but it's actually almost irrelevant at this point. We need a 3rd a person. End of. So that's progress of a sort I think and things are likely to start shifting towards the end of this month and into September in terms of roles, job title, etc.

However, something also came up in the meeting, which had been on the periphery of my attention for a while - largely because the main part of my attention has been entirely taken up with getting the job done.

Peeps of my acquaintance in stakeholder-facing roles (not customer - entirely different in case anyone's confused), particularly les femmes, what are your opinions on the whole dress-for-the-job-you-want/how-you-want-to-be-seen thing? Yes/no? Is it worth investing some not entirely ready cash in it? Does it help?

For the last however many years, my standard has been casual office-wear - so shirts sometimes, sweaters, long skirts, suit trousers, etc. It's all been getting rather worn due to finances and the abysmal state of the fashion industry in catering to an unfashionable shape (thanks whoever it was who decided everything must be empire-line or smocks, they really don't help someone 5'2 and broad). This year as things have progressed at work (and fashion finally cooperating) I've been buying assorted bits and pieces that are a bit more... formal - few more shirts, a pencil skirt. Is it worth me investing in this? Any dos/don'ts? Any must-have items?

Is it something that helps? In both an internal and external perception sense?
mogwai_do: (cockblocked)
2013-06-13 07:38 am

Ew

I was going to open with 'I read this fic', but actually I didn't really get that far into it before I was properly creeped out.

Perhaps my reading is wrong, but the whole premise appeared to be X is a virgin, this needs to be fixed then many other characters, who then proceed to objectify them, then for want of a better word gang up and sexually assault X. Of course character X then loves it in the sluttiest manner... All this is presented as being good, right, logical and/or even desirable. And we're not even going into the OOC-ness of it all.

I... Is it just me? Or are there really so many things wrong with that it's hard to know where to begin? Am I being oversensitive?

I've read fic that upset me, I've read fic that offended me, this is the first time I've read fic that really made my skin crawl - it was topped off with a whole bunch of comments about how very hot it was.

DO. NOT. WANT.
mogwai_do: (smile)
2013-05-31 08:23 pm

Waaaayyyyy overdue update...

I can't actually remember my last update, I'll have to have a quick look before I write this...

Okay, right. Well, as I'm sure it came as no surprise I ended up preparing the accounts for audit, essentially taking the last part of my boss's job. I don't know what she was always freaking about them for, they were pretty straightforward I thought.

Then, 3 weeks ago I got an email from her that was a shock but not a surprise - she was resigning. I replied with various things, but have not received a response. It took 2 weeks for the uni line manager to inform me (I was sadly unsurprised by the delay), but things could still not progress until they had it in writing from her, which only happened at the start of this week. Again, despite being told that I would be informed as soon as they were, I found out by accident about three days later. I still haven't actually been given any details, like when she officially goes and what the arrangement is for sending her personal stuff back and picking up the last of the work stuff from her house. I'm not holding my breath.

Where does this leave me? The big boss called very briefly to ask me if things were alright in the wake of this and I pointed out that from my perspective nothing had actually changed, I was already doing her job and had been for months already. It does mean the role review that's only been 'in progress' since summer 2011 before my boss was even off is no longer being held up. However, in a brief email from the uni line manager it was implied that I would not be involved in these, just told. I do not find that acceptable and I have written an email to that effect to the big boss just this afternoon. I am attempting to be both professional and assertive, the latter being more of a challenge for me.

I have been told, late this afternoon, that I was nominated for an Exceptional Contribution Award for my efforts over the last 18 months (try 2 years nearly now) and it has been approved. This basically is a lump sum, but the amount is purely discretionary, so I have no idea what it will amount to, but I should receive a formal letter about it soon.

So things are still unsettled and will be for a while, but my boss's roadblocking is now over, which means no-one has to pussyfoot around her and I'm free(ish) to make a stand and my case. We'll see how it goes.

In other news, I may be going to the Dutch Aikido Summer School. I've been once before a few years ago and really enjoyed it. I wanted very much to go earlier this year, then work got in the way and I thought I couldn't make it because of very important meetings. But now dates have shifted and it's suddenly become free again. It's annoying because I'm vacillating about going - it's not cheap but I can afford it if I want to - but it became available again at a point where my anxiety keeps trying to resurface - which is basically a result of hormones, overtiredness and the resent seachange at work. It's not conscious anxiety which makes it harder to fight off. Working on it though... I should just sign up, thereby forcing myself to go, but I haven't worked myself up to that point yet.
mogwai_do: (Default)
2013-04-17 01:15 pm

WTF?

When you are reading a slashfic (as you do), set in a modern world AU, and come across something that by implication says that anyone (nevermind a young male in a bar) who has a condom must be a prostitute?

Seriously? I'm not sure whether I should be more dismayed or disgusted.

Gave up on it, skimmed a bit further into the story, but saw a couple of similar things along the lines of 'should have known he was a prostitute because only a prostitute would...'.

Ugh.

I think I'll stop reading for now and go kill things in computer games instead.

Also, I do hope that if anyone spots anything like that in one of my fics please slap me upside the head.
mogwai_do: (Did not know I had this kink)
2013-04-14 09:14 am
Entry tags:

Sherlock Fic: His Greatest Composition

Title: His Greatest Composition
Pairing: Sherlock/John
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: porn with no redeeming features whatsoever
Wordcount: ~1,000
Summary: Porn, really mostly porn, no redeeming features to be found here at all.

A/N: This fic is for the birthday of [personal profile] evildrem

His Greatest Composition )

Comments appreciated.
mogwai_do: (blindly obey)
2013-04-06 09:10 am

No no no no

Dear author

I am prepared to overlook some grammatical/spelling issues for the sake of a decent fic, but you started to lose me as soon as Sherlock turned all teenage girl about romantic, perfect first times and twu wuv, but when you got to the anal sex with a virgin receiving with no prep at all.... no.

I can understand that you may not want to do research, but surely a little common sense?

Am I just being bitchy or is the ratio of crap fic to good or merely decent increasing?
mogwai_do: (Aikido)
2013-04-01 10:47 pm
Entry tags:

Aikido things

I was the only person to turn up to class today, so I got about an hour of personal tuition. I don't think it went too badly to be honest, or my sensei was being mostly nice. There are techniques I need to practise more because we haven't done them in so long I was blanking on them or generally unsure. My timing for shomenuchi needs work as well. BUT, I usually knew where I went wrong almost as soon as I did it, and there were others I was able to work out. I'm also pleased with my extension/contact, it's just IMO, but I think it's much better than it used to be, which is good because it's something I have consciously tried to improve. Before there always used to be a kind of shuffle at the start of every technique while I tried to find the contact and struggled to extend, now I think, for the most part, the extension is already happening as first contact is made and I'm maintaining the contact much better throughout the technique. So there were things I was pleased with and things I was not pleased with, but mostly I could see where the problem was and how to fix it, it's just a matter of repetition until it sticks properly.

At the end, he warned me that from now on, for the next year, he would be tougher on me, so I wasn't to take it personally or that I'd suddenly become crap. He also said that my aikido was very strong and solid, which is encouraging, and seemed generally positive for the prospect of sandan. Obviously there needs to be more work on a number of things, weapons especially, but there's a year to work on those.

Also, he wanted to know if I fancied a trip to Malta in October as his uke. Since this sounded more comfortable than Russia in February, I said I was quite interested :) Obviously it's going to depend on work to some extent and there are no firm dates or anything yet, but we'll see. A subsidised active holiday thing could be quite nice :)
mogwai_do: (cockblocked)
2013-02-06 06:11 pm

If you lot really loved me...

you'd come up with a cure for the common cold.

Failing that, I will settle for: a good dhansak, the Hobbit movie, those nice balm tissues, more ginger for my ginger and honey drinks, and speaking of ginger, Benedict Cumberbatch for warming purposes and maybe a few updates on certain fic. My evening would be much more tolerable then.

In short, for those that don't know or haven't guessed. I have a *stinking* sinus cold. I've not had one this bad in a while; it completely flattened me on Sunday with very little warning on Saturday and while I am improving daily, it's not as quick as it usually is and this cold has actually made it onto my chest, which is very unusual for me.

To a certain extent, while I didn't actually expect it and don't know where it came from (but if I find out then there will be smiting); I'm actually a bit surprised it's taken this long to happen all things considered. Oh well.

I'm trying to look after myself a bit better. Bedtimes have been early for me and I've been trying to listen to what my body's telling me about rest and stuff. We'll see how it goes; I've missed one aikido class, there's another tomorrow, I may go, but I may not actually practice and maybe only stick around for an hour instead of the 2hrs... I don't know.
mogwai_do: (cockblocked)
2013-02-02 08:35 pm

Things that have annoyed me in fic recently

#1 BDSM fic where the writer's apparent understanding of BDSM extends as far as people get tied up and hit even though they don't like it, but that's okay, do it often enough and they'll come around...

#2 Sherlock fic where apparently John only recognises the sound of a heart monitor going into flatline because he's seen it on bad telly.

#3 Any fic that confuses you're and your on a regular basis.

#4 No lube for anal? Really?

#5 Where a doctor can tell categorically from a glance at a three-day old, treated, grazing bullet wound to the head that someone will never wake from the coma.

#6 Roleplay transcripts and fiction are not really the same thing and I have yet to come across a single one that actually manages to stay in character for more than a couple of paragraphs, if it ever manages it at all.

#7 Deliberately not using capital letters or punctuation is not cool and groundbreaking - it makes you look like a moron. Also, it makes your fic so difficult to read that it could be the most amazing thing ever and I'd still abandon it after about 2 lines.

#8 Deliberately writing the characters out of character. Why? Why not write something original then? Or in another fandom where the characters match what you want to write?

There are always more, but these are the current ones... until the next one.
mogwai_do: (Aikido)
2013-01-20 01:47 pm
Entry tags:

Stuff and things...

So, my sensei has just been awarded 6th dan by Hombu. This will mean very little to 99% of you, but take it from me this is a good thing.

I have been thinking about my aikido lately. I'm not sure what the difference is or if it's just an artifact of a more positive outlook resulting from the (perhaps misplaced) sense that things at work are finally in the process of being resolved. Regardless, I've felt a bit more confident with it, or confident is the wrong word, but it has felt like it has been going better than it has for a while.

It's also made me conscious of several areas I do need to focus on. Last Monday's class was a bit different, with the weather there were only a few of us (me, M - another black belt, and T) and one is gearing up for his 1st kyu grading (the one below black belt for those that don't know), so it's pretty major. Obviously, we primarily focused on what he needed to do, which is fine, everyone's been there and no-one minds when it's someone else's turn. Anyway, so it wasn't so much of a class as a structured revision and basically after running through a few jo kata for warm-ups - possibly I shouldn't get so confident with those, he made me do the 13-count on my knees - which I did - Ha! He turned it into... not a mock-grading, but no demonstrations, just sensei calling out the techniques as per a grading and each of us taking it in turn as tori - me first as the ranking student.

Some of those techniques we haven't done in *ages*, so I was really pleased I actually remembered some of the trickier ones and without prompting. I did however get hit on the nose moderately hard which highlighted (painfully) one of my known existing weaknesses that I really need to work on. Basically it was an overhead strike and while I was fast enough and in the right place, instead of deflecting it as I should, instead my arm just collapsed and being a big heavy bloke the strike just carried on through. Ow.

So, I need to work on my extension, which is something I've always found difficult and as a female and therefore generally both smaller and weaker than most of the people I practice with, it is something I need to get right to avoid precisely this. It's not just evident here, but also in my breakfalls - part of my problem with them stems from prior injury, so a combination of out of practice and then instinctively trying to protect the injury even though it's better-ish. I think I need to speak to my sensei about it; I know some of the guys have asked for flexibility training recently because well, they don't have much. That seems easier to do on your own, I'm not sure what exercises, etc would help the extension issue, but it is something I need to address and I don't know where/how to start.

I'm also considering taking my weapons home from the dojo once the weather improves, to see if I can get the 50-count kata down - the bit between 33-40 keeps confusing me horribly.
mogwai_do: (your porn is boring)
2013-01-02 07:49 pm

So AO3...

Thanks to [personal profile] calime I now have an AO3 account under mogwai_do and have spent the last few hours uploading random fic. It's slightly disturbing that I can upload 20 without even thinking about it, even if a lot of them are drabbles and short-ish things. I was mainly doing it to get the hang of it, so the shorter stuff has ended up going first as I didn't want to spend ages on formatting, etc. when I was mainly just checking out the process.

So far I'm quite pleased with it, it's much easier to upload than I expected. I've got no plans for this evening so I might just keep going and see how many I can get up there.
mogwai_do: (your porn is boring)
2013-01-01 08:24 pm

Work tomorrow :(

I think the only solution is to win the lottery... it's a shame I don't actually play it.

Huh. It's funny that. I think about what I would do with a massive lottery win and the first things that come to mind are: donating money to my dojo because the building needs maintenance my sensei can't afford very easily; helping a friend and his wife who've been really struggling financially for the last 2 years through no fault of their own; getting my parents' house fixed up properly. I can't actually think of anything I actually want for myself. Strange. I'm sure I could think of something to spend it on, but nothing I would consider actually necessary.

In other news, I'm thinking of trying to get an AO3 account and uploading all my fic there. I think there's a long waiting list or something - not sure. I don't know, but it seems to be the new default location for a lot of fic given the tumblr/LJ split. Anyone have an account? Is it worth doing?
mogwai_do: (totoro)
2012-12-31 08:10 pm

This is not an end of year round-up

...primarily because I can't be bothered and it would mainly go workworkworkworkwork...

So, the Christmas break has been... mostly quiet, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Over too soon though, tomorrow's the last day of holiday and then it's back to work and hit the ground running. There's a chunk of subconscious anxiety about it all that's very annoying as it's disrupting my sleep again, but because I'm not consciously thinking about work I really don't know how to counteract it.

Presents were... limited and at least one was downright baffling, but I did get important things like Doctor Who box sets.

I've spent today cleaning and tidying and the like and not done too badly. I'll probably end up seeing the New Year in, though I'm not sure why I should bother since it will probably just be me going 'oh look it's midnight' and then going straight to bed.

We had our annual Aikido Christmas course with another local(ish) dojo on Saturday, which had a record turnout, but boy did I ache afterwards. It was 4+ hours of extremely vigorous exercise and I've not ached like that in a *long* time. I'm going to blame it on no aikido for the week preceding it, lots of sloth and gluttony in between and that although some of the stress-related muscle tension has eased by virtue of not being at work, there's still a good chunk of it left which meant things strained when they shouldn't have had to. I'll probably have to arrange some regular massage again, which is expensive when it adds up, but until work sorts itself out I don't think much else is going to reduce the tension.

Is anything going to change in 2013? Inevitably it will, though for better or worse and to what degree any changes are instigated/controlled by me I have no idea. I'd say there are things I want to get back to or do more of, but I've been saying that for much of the last year and got nowhere, so it seems almost futile to make that declaration of intent now. Maybe when something resolves with work, maybe not. I don't know. I'm neither pessimistic nor optimistic about the coming year at the moment; I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
mogwai_do: (don't care)
2012-12-23 04:56 pm

*le sigh*

Well the festive depression has arrived sooner than anticipated, but there you go.

My brother (of the super-secret pregnancy) is a pillock. He told me off this morning for mentioning my upcoming auntihood on facebook yesterday. It hadn't occurred to him that he might not be the only one of my three brothers with a functioning penis. They're due January and June.

I don't feel the least bit festive and I haven't decorated at all, nor do I expect I will. There doesn't seem to be a lot of point to it. I just feel tired, which is probably comedown from work to a large extent, but it doesn't make it any less. It may be that I'll perk up again in a day or two, but we'll see.

I don't have any plans really. I'll spend Christmas Day with my parents and brother and his wife. I have an Aikido course on the 29th and then I'll spend New Year with my parents. That's about it really. No plans to go anywhere or see anyone or do anything. I want to get something sorted and booked for next year so I have something to look forward to, but I don't know what. I'm not in the best frame of mind to look at that kind of thing at the moment anyway.

Also if anyone has any good supernatural with a twist to the spooky/horror recs for Sherlock (no character death) that would be great.
mogwai_do: (Aikido)
2012-12-03 10:19 pm

Is it ridiculous or just sad?

I was at aikido tonight - usual Monday night activity, just me, M and sensei tonight probably at least partly because of the snow.

We were doing a technique, or rather, I was attemptimg to do a technique with not a great amount of success and M, while trying to describe what it feels like as the one being... techniqued, says "I feel very close to [me]".

At kind of the same time, I say "Aw, I feel very close to you too, M" our sensei says "That's alright, I feel very close to [me] too. She's very likeable."

So is it ridiculous or sad that I actually felt kind of touched at the words, even though it was jokey. I don't think anyone's ever said anything like that about/to me...