mogwai_do: (ulterior motives)
So, following on from yesterday... (this may be somewhat scattered so bear with me)

snip to spare those uninterested in the ongoing saga )

Things

Oct. 11th, 2012 06:43 pm
mogwai_do: (Unnoticeable thing)
So, I should be at aikido right now, but I'm not as my brother's visiting. I missed Monday's session too on account of a migraine - I get them very rarely and had apparently forgotten what fun they could be. I actually did a bit of research when i could bear to look at a screen again to see what the triggers could have been - turned out i could have ticked about 6 possible trigger boxes, so i suppose not a huge surprise under those circmstances.

Anyway, currently i'm quite tired and achey, which i think is partly skirting the edges of a cold and partly stress. I took today off on account of my bro, but i'm in work tomorrow because the big boss is coming up to supposedly sort out the assorted crap that has been the work situation for the last year - except as far as i can tell he's been totally disorganized about it and i have no idea what's going to happen or who he's actually coming to see - the dean or HR or what, he hadn't worked that out himself on Wednesday.

My boss is winding me up stressing about it, which is annoying because what she's stressing about is stuff i couldn't give a toss about, namely her absenteeism. She's threatening to resign if it's not sorted out, i'm not sure she's ever registered my complete lack of 'oh noes' whenever she does.

I need to be ready tomorrow because he might want to see me alone, others might want to, it could be a total shitstorm if my boss gets hysterical again. I need to be able to fight my corner, to make it known that at the very least i would like some financial appreciation of the last year plus of effort. I need to not back down or sit mute and I'm just tired and a bit rundown and stressed and horribly aware that my likely reaction will be to sit back mutely while whatever kicks off.

Any words of wisdom/encouragement/support oh intarwebs? Before i panic myself have an anxiety attack and end up even less coherent/assertive tomorrow...
mogwai_do: (ulterior motives)
I've been meaning to post for a couple of weeks now, but never got around to it for various reasons. This weekend was the 3rd Annual Vampire Ball. I'm not sure I can make an actual coherent post right now, but...

Highlights:
Meeting up and catching up with [personal profile] evildrem and [personal profile] crowie as well as some friends made at the last Vampire Ball :)
Some very entertaining guests - Allan Hyde and Mariana Klaveno are hilarious
Winning (I'm saying winning anyway, probably needs an independent adjudicator) a Who argument while very tired. Do not pull that 'I've been watching for 30yrs so I'm an authority on what the Doctor will or will not do' BS on me; I am not a newbie and I will quote old school Who right back at you to back my point ;-p
Some fantastic costumes - ballgowns were clearly in this year ;)
Spike and Dru \o/
Dancing - much dancing
General atmosphere of awesome
Convenience of staying at the con hotel
Who - but we won't talk about that one, it's still too traumatic
And OMG, I'm really not sure I needed another fandom, but I seem to have acquired one anyway ;)
Having the day off today as well - see under 'another fandom added' ;) Except GAH! I've got to go out soon and I've still got eps left to watch and I think I've worked out who the Alpha is...

Lowlights:
Travel - major delays on the way out, minor delays and bus replacement services on the way back *le sigh* I'm still holding out for a transporter.
The awful, awful cringe-inducing guy with the Drusilla obsession...

All in all - an excellent weekend, now I just need to plan the next one :)
mogwai_do: (totoro)
So, I've been thinking about starting running for a while now because while the aikido is great for fitness, you reach a plateau and after that point it doesn't really improve your fitness much. Gyms are expensive and there's not a lot of choice besides that. So I've looked around and talked to my bro and his wife who run regularly.

I went for my first run this afternoon and aside from the conclusion that I am definitely not a runner I reached several others:

1. I need to buy a decent pair of running shoes, 10yr old trainers *really* don't cut it.

2. I have 2 speeds, fast walking and fast running, I really can't maintain a light jog at all, half the time I run on toes, half the time it's heels and I can't keep a pace that's entirely happy with either. I am also, unsurprisingly, quite heavy on my feet when I run heel-first, but at least part of that's being quite heavy generally, which I'm trying to improve, but part of it's just me. Given that I have a brother who has pins in his foot now as a result of stress fracture from too much ladder-climbing... I'm not as flat-footed as he is, but the trait's there and I'd rather avoid the pins, thanks.

3. I didn't get a stitch or have the whole gasping for breath thing, and half an hour or so later I feel more or less fine, which I guess is probably due to aikido. Although I did get a brief tightness in my calf - not a cramp, but it sort of wanted to be (probably couldn't find the energy either) and I'm blaming that on the shoes. I did get a mild twinge centre of my chest the first time I upped the speed to a jog, but since I was neither out of breath nor was my heartrate particularly high or hard and it eased off when I dropped back to a walk and didn't happen again, I think it's probably muscle tension knocking on from the muscle tightness I've had across my back and shoulders this last week as a result of the combination of work stress and doing a mind-numbing, but urgent job that meant several days with hours of not moving from in front of a computer :( It didn't happen on the later bursts of speed anyway.

4. I probably shouldn't have opted to do it straight after a stressful week at work on a hot, windy day when I had a headache, but I know how easy it is to put it off and put it off and never actually do it. I admit I didn't quite manage all of the last 2 bursts of jogging, but I did keep moving, so I'll count it as half a win. I shall also be drinking a lot this evening as I'm pretty sure I dehydrated a lot.

5. I've kind of set myself the challenge of doing it, but I suspect I will be following the programme at a slower pace - I don't know that I can do 3 runs a week, with rest days and aikido, it just doesn't fit. I might just manage 2 or even 1, I'm not sure what the critical maintenance frequency is, but I think as long as I don't drop it entirely it should still help.

6. It would be better if I had someone to run with, but there's no-one around and I don't want to join a club as that then limits the times/days and would probably clash with aikido anyway, knowing my luck.

7. Having done this first run, I think I shall consult again with my brother and his wife and probably one of the aikido guys who I know runs and is also heavily built (and I don't mean that as a euphemism for fat).

Also, I need to make some dinner now, but I can't be bothered...
mogwai_do: (don't care)
So, today I was chatting to my colleague and got onto the subject of aikido last night. We were focusing on strikes, the fill-in sensei is a police officer, so he's always interested in this kind of thing. Anyway, I said to my colleague that while it was quite fun it was somewhat disheartening to know that basically as a woman (and a pretty small one at that) I would never have the strength to do much actual damage to a bloke (particularly the two I was practising with who are each 6ft and heavily built). My colleague looked at me very strangely and said 'you're disheartened because you can't damage someone?' Short answer: yes.

Is that so weird? I mean it's not like I plan to go around maiming people or anything, but I'd like to have the option. I know where to aim to incapacitate without causing lasting damage; I know where to aim if I don't mind if the other person dies; but in both cases I have to use far more of my strength to achieve the same result a bloke could well manage almost by accident. Intellectually, I know this, probably every woman does, but to actually give it a shot and not even shift him much (although he was depressingly encouraging about how without the pad in the way he'd definitely feel it) is thoroughly disheartening. Essentially, there's no such thing as a fair fight - as a woman I start with a fundamental disadvantage and I don't see what's wrong with being a bit put-out by that.

So there.
mogwai_do: (blindly obey)
Gacked from [personal profile] calime because it occurred to me I haven't memed in a while and it seemed like fun

cut for meme )
mogwai_do: (Aikido)
So, this evening I taught an aikido class and for the first time didn't either chicken out or feel like an idiot or imposter. I don't as a rule like teaching, I'm often very conscious of the fact that I climbed the ranks quite quickly so there are people who've done aikido for longer than me chronologically speaking, but haven't practised regularly or have had long breaks, so haven't graded. I mean M, who IIRC started practising aikido before I was even born, stopped to have a family and only came back about 5-6 years ago and got his shodan the year after me - he always says I'm better than him, but it's hard to take that seriously.

I kept it simple: some stretches, some basic exercises, then some basic exercises with jo, then the 31 count kata and then some basic techniques. It seemed to go surprisingly well. I mean it was a small class, but still, it felt like a big deal because I didn't stutter or ask for opinions or confirmation, I just took it on and did it. After an hour I handed off teaching to M as we'd agreed at the start when I wasn't sure I could do the whole class (actually by that point I felt I could keep going, but it wouldn't be fair to change my mind then).

It's just as well though as I probably would have ruined any teaching credibility I may have gained when M told the lad I was practising with to focus - the lad chatters *all the time*, I mean I'm bad for talking, but not that bad, and he just doesn't pay attention, drives sensei nuts sometimes. Anyway, M told him to focus and he went all hardcore 'bring it' or tried to. I couldn't help it - I burst out laughing. It was like being menaced by ball of wool. (Wow, I can be an arrogant cow sometimes) His shoulders were tense and a bit hunched, his fingers were sort of half-curled and his kamae was kind of... awkward for want of a better description - kind of scrunched up and uncomfortable looking. I'm probably underestimating his strength, but it looked like even if I stood still and let him punch me, there wouldn't be much strength behind it because it would be all bicep. OTOH, I had no intention of standing still ;)

Still every silver lining has a cloud or something: apparently my tenchinage has gone away and is currently absolutely appalling - it was on Monday and it was tonight. Ah well, something to work on... again.
mogwai_do: (Aikido)
That was the single strangest, most disturbing (in a good way) Aikido session I have ever done. It was freaky. We started with a mirror exercise, which seemed to cause a perception shift (for all 2 of us at the class), which we were really struggling to define, but resulted in everything working... really amazingly easily, even with someone much bigger and stronger. There was flow, it was effortless as if we had all the time in the world, the timing was spot-on. It just... It has *never* worked like this. And it wasn't just once or twice, it was consistently for about an hour... then we started to lose it, but still - that was amazing. The question is, of course, will it work again in future?

Cut for Aikido detail )

In other news, my boss met her new line manager for the first time today and was horrified to discover that, once her knee has recovered, she will be expected to be in the office a minimum of 4 days a week. Even at her most normal (for a given value of normal with her) she only usually did 7.30am-1pm three times a week in the office, sometimes not even that if she was expecting a delivery or a hair appointment. She's already planning ways to get out of this - which mainly involve lying about attending meetings as far as I can see.

On the upside, both she and her new line manager seem to be seriously thinking about revising my job description (which hasn't changed since I started and wow has a lot changed since then, even a couple of months after I started it was out of date because that was when she had her first 9 month absence) and consequently my grade (and therefore salary). This could be of the good - as long as it does actually happen, unlike the promised bonus which has never materialised.

Who rant

Aug. 14th, 2012 10:23 pm
mogwai_do: (cockblocked)
Have a major craving for Doctor Who fic. Unfortunately trying to find something I want to read is nigh on painful.

I will happily admit Ten was a good Doctor, but then they all were in different ways. He was one of the best though and I do feel he was done a disservice by RTD. Likewise Rose, not my favourite companion, but a good one (though I feel she matched Nine better than Ten) and done a disservice by RTD.

I do not subscribe to Ten/Rose OTP, which I imagine comes as a surprise to precisely no-one. I even have a whole set of theories/reasons behind that whole premise, which may turn into a fic at some point.

But OMFG get over it!!! Move on. Rose has as happy an ending as a companion gets, and doing substantially better than most. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against the ship per se, but a lot of the shippers... I could be wrong, but it seems many of them are recent Who fans only and even then ignore Nine and often actively dislike Eleven (primarily as far as I can tell, because he replaced Ten) and just... Augh! Ten is not the only Doctor, whether he is the best Doctor is a matter of personal opinion. I could give a long list of arguments against Ten/Rose being twoo wuv foreva, but the sort of fans I'm talking about wouldn't listen anyway. Normally I'm happy for any ship to be successful, but I could do with them being a bit less rabid...

I feel I may have to write Doctor/Master or Doctor/TARDIS (can't help it, I have 2 OTPs here) to get over it. Or better yet the Moff can give us a multi-Doctor story and we can launch the good ship Ten/Eleven.

Finally, I would also like to apologise to any Ten/Rose shippers of the non-rabid variety - this is not aimed at you.
mogwai_do: (ulterior motives)
So, had an exhausting Aikido session this evening - mainly because of the heat, but it was a more energetic session than we've had in a while. We had a guest sensei from the Netherlands - he's a good laugh and a fun teacher, but his approach was different (as you would expect) as was his emphasis, so we were doing things we don't often do and we did things I'd never done before. He placed an emphasis on breakfalls I haven't seen in a while and we spent about the first half hour on those - my somewhat buggered shoulder got distinctly unhappy when I landed a few of them harder than was wise. I'll see what it's like tomorrow - same goes for a lot of other muscles I suspect. Still it was nice to see him and his wife and I enjoyed the class, however small it turned out to be (him, his wife, my sensei, me and a regular).

In other news, finished reading 1984 today, not sure why I decided I should read it, but I did and having started it I felt I really should finish it. It's boring as anything for the first two-thirds. The English is a bit... I put it down to Orwell being raised in South Africa (I think), but setting aside a few grammatical oddities there was a lack of clarity in places that had me re-reading to be sure. I've overlooked far worse in fanfic, but my biggest complaint is that the protagonist is a self-absorbed intellectual wannabe (and that's ignoring the casual misogynism of the era in which it was written), he was just... I'm not sure whether it was the self-absorption or the wannabe that bothered me most, but I didn't give a toss what happened to him. Or any of the characters for that matter. There was no point anywhere in it where I sympathised or empathised with a character at all (and I have a habit of liking villains and all sorts, so...). Someone told me the book was depressing (I was almost finished it at that point anyway), but to be honest I didn't find it particularly so - largely I suspect because I just didn't care.

I suppose if you were a bit fan of Orwell you could argue that the protagonist's character was a direct result of the environment and therefore you're meant to pity him as he was doomed from day one. But if that were the case why bother with the realisation and rebellion he does manage? Maybe again, that was the point like the doomed flutterings of a trapped moth. I don't buy it though, largely because if you can't make the reader at least care what happens to the characters then you've pretty much failed and you might as well have just written an essay instead.

So, all in all, won't bother reading it again, won't bother with any other Orwell books either. Overall, it was a good idea in principle and has been copied innumerable times since, but it would have been far better as a short story.
mogwai_do: (Did not know I had this kink)
I really have very little recollection of writing this.

Sharp and Sweet )
mogwai_do: (sshhh)
Something a little more laid back for a change.

Gift Horse )

*cringes*

Jun. 23rd, 2012 01:35 pm
mogwai_do: (cockblocked)
Tell me it's not just me, please. I read far, far too much fanfic (shocker), but it seems someone announced badfic week and didn't tell me. Some examples from just this last week and these are almost painful just to cut & paste:

"You don't know how much I want that magnificent mound of man meat pummelling into me"

"Sherlock slips his dominant hand over John's flaccid love truncheon" this one also featured his "thick sausage".

I just... if you can't type the word cock you probably shouldn't be writing slashfic, also how old are you and where on *earth* did you get those phrases from!?!

vicarious instead of precarious - which in context changed the sentence quite considerably and it happened repeatedly in this fic.

defiantly instead of definitely - I see this a lot and it's really starting to annoy me now.

Also, how hard is it to spellcheck things? Really? Not that hard I'm thinking. Definitely not as hard as trying to read some of this stuff...

And then there're the stories themselves:

We have the buggery without any preparation at all (actually and specifically without prep and not in a rape or BDSM scenario), which y'know, doesn't strike me as a wildly enjoyable idea, despite what the author seems to think.

We also have the massively out of character characters, where if they didn't keep mentioning the names every few lines, I would have no clue who they were meant to be, or even which show they were from.

There is more, but I can't bring myself to detail it all anymore, I'll just end up crying.

It's possible I'm just being a snobby bitch and it's true, no-one is forcing me to read this stuff, but still... I will overlook a variety of errors for a good story, but some things... I know some of my early stuff is bad, but I don't think it was ever *this* bad. Please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong though - I'm happy to take concrit.
mogwai_do: (sshhh)
This is a sequel to Terms of Engagement. It's probably not absolutely necessary to have read that first, as long as you know that Douglas and Martin are in an established relationship.

Morning Thoughts )
mogwai_do: (Default)
I'm debating whether or not to get an AO3 account and upload everything there, more people seem to be using it these days and keeping track of the comms can be confusing...

Anyway the fic is here: Douglas, Stop That )

Stuff

Jun. 2nd, 2012 07:20 pm
mogwai_do: (ulterior motives)
So today started off a bit rough, but got better. Had some lunch out with my mam and did a bit of shopping, bought some things I needed and came away with a bundle of freebies too - I like this kind of shopping.

After a short burst of fic writing last weekend it has kind of tapered off a bit - I blame work, the last 3 days at least have been very bitty and the bitty things have all been very urgent. I've been multi-tasking like a MF; I would have preferred a less stressful return to work, but... *shrug* Am down to London next week to cover for my boss at an important meeting; it makes it a long day, but it'll be interesting at least. I would just have preferred that it wasn't smack in the middle of a very short week because I'm going to be very busy as a result as the trainee isn't in at all. Ah well. Am looking to book at least a week off in mid-July, but I'm still waiting for various people to get back to me about the dates before I confirm them.

And now a question, when do scars stop being so sensitive? A week and a half since the stitches came out and I'm still having to dress it to avoid it rubbing on clothes and becoming sore :(

Still doing the meditation, very limited success now, but from what I gather that's a fairly normal pattern - initial success then hit a bunch of walls. Will keep trying.

Lastly, was told off by my sensei, who said that I have to stop being so self-deprecating because I am not rubbish. This was in response to my comment that by the time the next course with a very senior sensei comes around in July I will have been back to Aikido just long enough to have worked out how unfit and out of practice I've become, but that at least I would have a good excuse for being rubbish this time. I may pop up to the dojo next time I'm through there and get my weapons - I think I can do a few jo kata without risking my leg if I modify them a little and at least I would feel I was doing *something*. Not sure where though - can't really swing a 4'2 staff around in my living room...
mogwai_do: (your porn is boring)
A post-Reichenbach short fic that I found this afternoon and apparently wrote in January, but have no recollection of writing at all. It's a bit rough, but...

Faith Hurts )
mogwai_do: (don't care)
Dating makeover shows - can't say I've ever watched one, however into my hands today has fallen an application form for one. I have to admit I did expect it to get a bit invasive, but I did not quite expect this level of ... I don't even know what to call it.

As background, this is for a show looking for women (shocker) who lack confidence in dating - you have to fill this form in and return it with 2 photos. If you get through they give you a full makeover and 'how to date' guidance and it gets televised. Needless to say I declined politely - here are the main questions for your horrified perusal.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SINGLE?

WHEN AND WHY DID YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP END? (PLEASE GIVE DETAILS)

WHAT WAS YOUR LONGEST RELATIONSHIP AND WHY DID IT END (PLEASE GIVE DETAILS)

DO YOU FEEL YOU’VE LOST YOUR CONFIDENCE SINCE YOU’VE BEEN SINGLE?(PLEASE GIVE DETAILS)

WHY HAVE YOU LOST YOUR CONFIDENCE? (PLEASE GIVE DETAILS)

HOW MANY DATES (ROUGHLY) HAVE YOU BEEN ON IN THE LAST 2 YEARS

DO YOU ENJOY DATING?

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE HELP WITH ?

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR STYLE?

DESCRIBE A TYPICAL OUTFIT YOU’D CHOOSE TO WEAR ON A DATE

ARE YOU HAPPY WITH THE WAY YOU LOOK? (PLEASE GIVE DETAILS)

DESCRIBE THE MOST RECENT DATE YOU’VE BEEN ON – WHY DO YOU THINK IT WASN’T A SUCCESS?

DESCRIBE THE WORST DATE YOU’VE EVER BEEN ON

HOW DO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE?

DO YOUR FRIENDS / FAMILY EVER GIVE YOU ANY ADVICE BEFORE YOU GO ON A DATE?

HAVE YOU EVER RECEIVED ANY FEED BACK FROM A DATE, GOOD OR BAD?

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A POTENTIAL BOYFRIEND?

IF YOU HAD TO PICK, WHAT FIVE THINGS DO YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF – PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES AND PERSONALITY?

HAVE YOU GOT ANY TALENTS/HOBBIES – OR IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU USED TO LOVE DOING / WERE GOOD AT WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER?

IF MONEY WAS NO OBJECT, IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU WOULD LOVE TO TRY?

WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF? LIST YOUR FEARS.

ARE YOU CURRENTLY BEING TREATED FOR ANY MEDICAL ISSUES?IF YES PLEASE GIVE DETAILS

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TREATED FOR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS?IF YES, PLEASE GIVE DETAILS

HAVE YOU BEEN CONVICTED OF A CRIME OR ARE SUBJECT OF ONGOING CRIMINAL PROCEEDINGS? DO YOU HAVE ANY CCJ’S? IF YES, PLEASE GIVE DETAILS

A number of thoughts sprang to my mind on first reading these - you've probably thought them now too. I'm not sure whether this angers or depresses me more. ...actually angers probably.

Oh look...

Apr. 16th, 2012 10:04 pm
mogwai_do: (don't care)
It appears Sherlock fandom is about to implode; I can't really say I'm surprised - I'm more surprised it's taken til now really. I have to admit I was surprised by the sudden hiatus announcement on the main comm, which did seem a bit odd. I've read a few of the posts surrounding it and, well... I'm not involved enough to really justify taking sides, but I have to wonder - if you can't cope with modding for whatever reason, or even if you just don't feel like doing it any more, then step back and let someone else take it on - it's not like the fandom's not big enough that there isn't going to be someone out there with the time/energy to do it. Hanging onto the mod-ship and effectively shutting down a comm of apparently over 11,000 members (the majority of whom one has to imagine have never even had any direct contact with the mods), that doesn't strike me as a move likely to engender sympathy or understanding, quite aside from seeming (to me at least) a bit like taking all your toys (and a lot of other people's) and going off in a huff. *shrug* I don't post often enough for it to really affect me, but I did get a lot of my reads from there, guess not anymore *shrug*