mogwai_do: (ultraviolet)
[personal profile] mogwai_do
And to be fair this isn't an update; this is a rant.

Last week was a week off for me - using up annual leave before Christmas. It has been possibly the most futile attempt at time off. I'm back at work tomorrow and today has been a definite downer-day, segueing into diffuse anger. After stewing all day, I think I've worked out where it's come from.

We'll start by saying the last couple of months have been hectic on many fronts - a lot of travelling - including weekends. A lot of work stress. Stuff like that.

So, the Friday I stopped for the week I had to work late for reasons, then just as I was about to go I got a phone call that presaged a whole shitstorm of academic ego - I've got that to look forward to on my return. Anyway I ended up leaving with a splitting headache - stress reaction to a long day. Saturday I felt utterly wiped - part of it was the lingering headache, part of it probably my body going 'right, you don't *have* to do anything, stop now'. Sunday was a bit improved, but not fabulous.

Monday I visited my favourite cousin - this was actually the sole highlight of the week. *However*, I inquired if my mum wanted to come along too and see that side of the family before Christmas - she did and somehow that turned into her deciding to stay the Monday night with me so we could go Christmas shopping on Tuesday. I didn't buy anything and wasn't really interested; she bought most of her presents and it took most of the day.

Wednesday, I wanted a breather as I still felt very tired. Started getting emails from work from the minion who will be leaving in the New Year, but has yet to hand her notice in. I had told them they could contact me if there was anything urgent/important of which 2 things were on my radar as possibles. In the space of 3 days, she emailed me multiple times, only 1 of which was important - 1 was whining about an 'unfair' system (which is equally unfair to everyone I should point out, my urge to respond with 'get over it' was strong), several asking for annual leave that I've been trying to get her to take for weeks as at this stage it makes things complicated and again complaining that the system is unfair (she's welcome to take it up with central HR if she feels like it), another 1 about the unfair system, there were others that I've mostly blanked from my memory now, the last one was saying an editor wants a presentation, she's emailed him this one, she supposes I wasn't aware that he needed it - no I wasn't because a) he didn't tell me and b) one of her ongoing tasks is to be checking with them for these kind of things because they sometimes forget to tell us. She sent the wrong presentation - I have no idea why she sent it to him first *then* asked me - surely common sense says check first and have a time by which if you haven't had a response send your best guess. By Friday and that last email I just had to get out the flat - which I'd been planning to do anyway, but because I was in such a state, I forgot to pick up the one thing I actually needed to accomplish the errand I'd planned to run. So accomplished approximately nada. I still haven't managed to do any of the errands I'd originally planned to sort in the time off.

Today my brothers, their partners and children all had a get-together at one of their houses - I found out about it second hand. It's not so much that I wasn't invited, I suspect that was because it would be a 6hr round trip for me as opposed to only a 3hr round trip for each of them, but they made that decision for me.

And that pretty much sums up the whole thing - I'd have been better off staying at work. My mum, without even thinking about it, took away my control at the start of the week. The work person took away my control in the latter part. I was too exhausted to resist the steamrollering or to shrug off and ignore the work person - she really got under my skin (part of this is compounded by the fact I have bent over backwards to try and accommodate her requests regarding leaving and nothing is good enough and she just keeps messing me around), to the point of me wanting to smash something - hence fleeing the flat.

I'm left feeling depressed, stressed, excluded and frustrated and ranting here because Facebook has too many people who might be offended and/or horrified. At the current rate, the first person to ask me tomorrow if I had a nice break will be likely to get punched in the face - that's how wound up I am right now. I hate everything and everyone and they can all just piss off.

So, how has your day been?
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December 2014


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